WHINGE

ON THE NINETEENTH DAY OF CRANKVENT... ALL YOUR ADVENTS ARE CRAPPY

...because they are not THIS advent (pictured), which I received in 1984 in Canada and which is without doubt the most superior advent calendar that has ever existed or will ever exist. Today's advent calendars suffer from a mundanity of drawing, poor material quality, a distinct paucity of glitter, and moreover a lack of coherent visual narrative. When you open the doors in THIS calendar, you see a continuation of the scene—for example, see the wildcat standing in front of the fire at the bottom right, where one of the doors has become detached—not some random snowman or bunny rabbit that makes no sense within the scene on the front.

And those calendars stuffed with chocolates or Lego minifigs? Or even—God forbid—virtual advents? Pah! They appeal to our base and materialistic instincts, rather than fostering a sense of wonder and an appreciation of (glitter-laden) beauty.

I do not expect this advent calendar ever to be topped but I hope someone out there will at least attempt to prove me wrong.

ALICE CANNON, MELBOURNE