CRANKVENT

We know we'll regret this later, but here at CRANK HQ we thought an online CRANK advent calendar might be quite fun. Count down the days to your very favourite holiday of the year with CRANKVENT! 

We're seeking submissions, of course—not necessarily full-fledged CRANKs; a CRANKVENT could be an image, a cartoon, a haiku or any other form of expression that adequately captures your Christmas-themed thoughts and feelings.

But what could I possibly have to CRANK about Christmas? we hear you say. Well, you might find inspiration in last year's THE NIGHTMARES BEFORE CHRISTMAS: A COMPLAINT IN THREE PARTS. Or, try some of these on for size:

• Enforced workplace jollity
• Gift-giving
• The word 'gift'
• The declining quality of tinsel
• The top 10 most irritating Christmas songs
• Terrible Christmas television programming
• An analysis of Christmas movies–why are they so awful?
• Abandon the Christmas card
• Bring back the Christmas card
• Present etiquette
• To nog, or not to nog?
• Inappropriate Kris Kringle presents
• Why is Kris Kringle spelled with two Ks? WHY
• Christmas is supposed to be a wonderful time you killjoys

Send your contributions via our CONTRIBUTE page! Go on, you know you want to...

Sub-optimal children (and adults) get potatoes in their Christmas stocking.

WRITE FOR SPECU-CRANK

Inspired by a recent viewing of “Transformers: Age of Extinction” we here at CRANK (brought to you by pinknantucket press) thought a special CRANK festival devoted to all things speculative was in order. And hence behold… SPECU-CRANK. Running from next week until we stop receiving submissions, twice a week over at CRANK. (Mondays and Thursdays). Maybe if we get enough, we’ll put together a special hard-copy zine version as well. Drawings, explanatory diagrams and other illustrations welcome!

Send your 500 word (ish) diatribes, theories and reprimands to chiefnantucket at gmail dot com or via our online form.

Some ideas to get you rolling…

• What is Tom Cruise doing here
• Dinobots: WTF
• But…physics!
• Hey wait a minute all these aliens look like humans
• Why didn’t you deploy your foot jets in the first place
• JONESY 4 EVA: Why cats are vital to spec fic
• A sonic screwdriver is NOT a magic wand
• That really isn’t how evolution works

So much potential...and so much time! Write for CRANK today!

Dude, your Saturn is all wibbly wobbly. Astronomy: a diagram of the phases of the moon, and the rings of Saturn. Engraving. Wellcome Library no. 46270i