We know we'll regret this later, but here at CRANK HQ we thought an online CRANK advent calendar might be quite fun. Count down the days to your very favourite holiday of the year with CRANKVENT! 

We're seeking submissions, of course—not necessarily full-fledged CRANKs; a CRANKVENT could be an image, a cartoon, a haiku or any other form of expression that adequately captures your Christmas-themed thoughts and feelings.

But what could I possibly have to CRANK about Christmas? we hear you say. Well, you might find inspiration in last year's THE NIGHTMARES BEFORE CHRISTMAS: A COMPLAINT IN THREE PARTS. Or, try some of these on for size:

  • Enforced workplace jollity
  • Gift-giving
  • The word 'gift'
  • The declining quality of tinsel
  • The top 10 most irritating Christmas songs
  • Terrible Christmas television programming
  • An analysis of Christmas movies–why are they so awful?
  • Abandon the Christmas card
  • Bring back the Christmas card
  • Present etiquette
  • To nog, or not to nog?
  • Inappropriate Kris Kringle presents
  • Why is Kris Kringle spelled with two Ks? WHY
  • Christmas is supposed to be a wonderful time you killjoys

Send your contributions via our CONTRIBUTE page! Go on, you know you want to...

Sub-optimal children (and adults) get potatoes in their Christmas stocking.

Sub-optimal children (and adults) get potatoes in their Christmas stocking.