nog

TRIFLES

ON THE TWENTY-FIFTH DAY OF CRANKVENT... MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT

Phew these virtual advents are so DAILY. What a slog! But now we can all breathe a happy and contented sigh of relief and sleep off the Christmas nog or fight over the last mince pie.

May all you lovely cranks have a brilliant, shiny 2015 relatively (but not totally) free of petty annoyances, obscure conspiracy theories and goat-getters. Thank you for all your two bits and grizzles and minor points of order, as well as your retweets and reposts. See you in the New Year, pedants!

It is not ENTIRELY clear what is going on in this image and it might in fact be terribly racist but hopefully ghost Disraeli is pointing out to Gladstone how nice it is to welcome persons of all nations to join in our bountiful repast, but probably he is just pointing out that Gladstone wasn't invited. [ A political cartoon depicting William Gladstone as Charles Dickens' Scrooge. He is being shown a vision by Benjamin Disraeli as one of the Christmas ghosts of Queen Victoria sharing Christmas dinner with people from different parts of the British Empire including India, Africa, the Caribbean, Asia and North America ]. Lithograph by Tom Merry published in  St Stephen's Review , 25 December 1886. Wellcome Library, reference no. 565025i, online image no. V0050360.

It is not ENTIRELY clear what is going on in this image and it might in fact be terribly racist but hopefully ghost Disraeli is pointing out to Gladstone how nice it is to welcome persons of all nations to join in our bountiful repast, but probably he is just pointing out that Gladstone wasn't invited. [A political cartoon depicting William Gladstone as Charles Dickens' Scrooge. He is being shown a vision by Benjamin Disraeli as one of the Christmas ghosts of Queen Victoria sharing Christmas dinner with people from different parts of the British Empire including India, Africa, the Caribbean, Asia and North America]. Lithograph by Tom Merry published in St Stephen's Review, 25 December 1886. Wellcome Library, reference no. 565025i, online image no. V0050360.

NEWS

CRANKVENT

We know we'll regret this later, but here at CRANK HQ we thought an online CRANK advent calendar might be quite fun. Count down the days to your very favourite holiday of the year with CRANKVENT! 

We're seeking submissions, of course—not necessarily full-fledged CRANKs; a CRANKVENT could be an image, a cartoon, a haiku or any other form of expression that adequately captures your Christmas-themed thoughts and feelings.

But what could I possibly have to CRANK about Christmas? we hear you say. Well, you might find inspiration in last year's THE NIGHTMARES BEFORE CHRISTMAS: A COMPLAINT IN THREE PARTS. Or, try some of these on for size:

  • Enforced workplace jollity
  • Gift-giving
  • The word 'gift'
  • The declining quality of tinsel
  • The top 10 most irritating Christmas songs
  • Terrible Christmas television programming
  • An analysis of Christmas movies–why are they so awful?
  • Abandon the Christmas card
  • Bring back the Christmas card
  • Present etiquette
  • To nog, or not to nog?
  • Inappropriate Kris Kringle presents
  • Why is Kris Kringle spelled with two Ks? WHY
  • Christmas is supposed to be a wonderful time you killjoys

Send your contributions via our CONTRIBUTE page! Go on, you know you want to...

Sub-optimal children (and adults) get potatoes in their Christmas stocking.

Sub-optimal children (and adults) get potatoes in their Christmas stocking.